Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Skinny, White, Jew in BEIJING, China
After years of disrepair, the blog will be back kicking as I move to Beijing to teach at Tsinghua International School in August. Stay tuned...
Monday, May 21, 2007
Bad Gas in More Ways Than One
Most of you who know me know that I have a chronic neck and back problem. I was born with something called Klipel Feil, a rare and (in my case) a very mild congenital syndrome that caused two of my neck vertebrae to become fused. This has an effect on the way I hold myself and it also restricts normal motion of my neck...which is why I can be seen doing some pretty funky stuff with my neck sometimes.
For years and years I've struggled with this problem. It doesn't necessarily hurt but it's uncomfortable as hell. To try to relieve the problem, I've tried stretching, hot packs, cold packs, water therapy, a chiropracter, a psychologist, posture pedic, Ben-Gay (once!), electro-stimulation, massage, and acupuncture...all with little results. Recently, I've become very self-conscious of the problem, convincing myself that people are judging me based on my neck movements. I started seeing a psychologist because I was convinced I was depressed. Even now, I am having difficultly writing about this condition. That's how much it affects me. A few months before leaving for China I started a combination of heavy physical therapy (massage and stretching) and acupuncture. For the first time in my life I was getting some sort of relief. The acupuncture worked on my deep muscles...relaxing some that had been tight for more than a decade...and the physical therapy worked on the superficial muscles. Gone were the strange neck movements and chronic tightness in my upper back. Sorry to leave my therapists for China, I was also excited to go to the birthplace of acupuncture and the other wacky medical treatments of Chinese Traditional Medicine. Maybe I could get rid of this once and for all.
I told the girls in my school about my problem and that I wanted to try acupuncture. They all thought I was crazy. Apparently, Chinese acupuncture is far more painful than the American imported Japanese acupuncture. In Japanese acupuncture, a therapist will gently insert a small needle into the skin, barely puncturing the surface. They will then leave you for 45 minutes to an hour to allow the needles to open up your energy flow (qi). However, in Chinese acupuncture, the "therapist" will quickly diagnose where he thinks your qi is blocked, heat up a giant needle, jam it into your body, move it around until your muscle jumps a little, and repeat for 10 minutes. Similar to China's long history of violence and suffering, maybe they believe that the only way to truly get better is to go through excruciating pain.
Needless to say, the acupuncture didn't really do it for me. After the initial shock and residual pain, there was some relief, but nothing compared to the Japanese variety. The "doctor" had another idea...something called "cupping" or "fire-pot." In this nifty Traditional Chinese Medicine technique, the doctor will ignite a large flame to heat up the inside of 12-15 jars, then place them, one by one, on your back. The idea, as I understand it, is to create a vacuum within the jars that will suck out your "bad gas"...the gas that causes you to become sick. This procedure is far less painful than the acupuncture, but still quite uncomfortable as the weight of the jars and the red hot heat begin to wear your body down after 15 minutes. Then the doctor will remove the jars one by one, leaving giant purple leopard spots or as I like to call them, hickies, all over your back. You see, the purple color indicates that you have "bad gas"...the darker the purple...the worse your gas. Red spots indicate a healthy person. I was purple all over.
The doctor recommended that I come back once a week as the acupuncture and the cupping work in tandem and the results increase the more you go. I've only been once so far because the pain of the acupuncture and walking around with giant purple spots on my back for 2 weeks seemed to outweigh the benefits of going back. I've had time to think it over though and decided to continue the treatment.
Who knows how long I've had purple spots? I don't think there will be a happier day in my life when I can look into the mirror and see red hickies up and down my back.
For years and years I've struggled with this problem. It doesn't necessarily hurt but it's uncomfortable as hell. To try to relieve the problem, I've tried stretching, hot packs, cold packs, water therapy, a chiropracter, a psychologist, posture pedic, Ben-Gay (once!), electro-stimulation, massage, and acupuncture...all with little results. Recently, I've become very self-conscious of the problem, convincing myself that people are judging me based on my neck movements. I started seeing a psychologist because I was convinced I was depressed. Even now, I am having difficultly writing about this condition. That's how much it affects me. A few months before leaving for China I started a combination of heavy physical therapy (massage and stretching) and acupuncture. For the first time in my life I was getting some sort of relief. The acupuncture worked on my deep muscles...relaxing some that had been tight for more than a decade...and the physical therapy worked on the superficial muscles. Gone were the strange neck movements and chronic tightness in my upper back. Sorry to leave my therapists for China, I was also excited to go to the birthplace of acupuncture and the other wacky medical treatments of Chinese Traditional Medicine. Maybe I could get rid of this once and for all.
I told the girls in my school about my problem and that I wanted to try acupuncture. They all thought I was crazy. Apparently, Chinese acupuncture is far more painful than the American imported Japanese acupuncture. In Japanese acupuncture, a therapist will gently insert a small needle into the skin, barely puncturing the surface. They will then leave you for 45 minutes to an hour to allow the needles to open up your energy flow (qi). However, in Chinese acupuncture, the "therapist" will quickly diagnose where he thinks your qi is blocked, heat up a giant needle, jam it into your body, move it around until your muscle jumps a little, and repeat for 10 minutes. Similar to China's long history of violence and suffering, maybe they believe that the only way to truly get better is to go through excruciating pain.
Needless to say, the acupuncture didn't really do it for me. After the initial shock and residual pain, there was some relief, but nothing compared to the Japanese variety. The "doctor" had another idea...something called "cupping" or "fire-pot." In this nifty Traditional Chinese Medicine technique, the doctor will ignite a large flame to heat up the inside of 12-15 jars, then place them, one by one, on your back. The idea, as I understand it, is to create a vacuum within the jars that will suck out your "bad gas"...the gas that causes you to become sick. This procedure is far less painful than the acupuncture, but still quite uncomfortable as the weight of the jars and the red hot heat begin to wear your body down after 15 minutes. Then the doctor will remove the jars one by one, leaving giant purple leopard spots or as I like to call them, hickies, all over your back. You see, the purple color indicates that you have "bad gas"...the darker the purple...the worse your gas. Red spots indicate a healthy person. I was purple all over.
The doctor recommended that I come back once a week as the acupuncture and the cupping work in tandem and the results increase the more you go. I've only been once so far because the pain of the acupuncture and walking around with giant purple spots on my back for 2 weeks seemed to outweigh the benefits of going back. I've had time to think it over though and decided to continue the treatment.
Who knows how long I've had purple spots? I don't think there will be a happier day in my life when I can look into the mirror and see red hickies up and down my back.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Anna's Aston Antics
Video taken on a boring day at Aston. Anna decided to play teacher for the day and teach Bruce and I a dialect of Mandarin that is somewhere between a Chongqing dialect and a Beijing dialect. She is heard saying "Lego shi shadze" or something like that--which means "What is this?" Enjoy!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Adventure into Real China
Hey everyone...
I am preparing for a week long trip to the province of Guizhou which is directly south of Sichaun province and Chongqing. Bruce and I will take a 10 hour train ride and then another bus ride to experience the poorest province of China or one of the only places in China that has been unspoiled by skyscrapers and tourism. We don't have definite plans but we will visit some minority villages and nature preserves. I hope to have some amazing videos and pictures to share. For now, I wanted to post a video that I took last night. I teach a class at a Chongqing engineering company and my students were nice enough to invite me to play tennis at a beautiful facility overlooking the new Olympic Stadium. After they took me out for Hot Pot, which is a famous Chongqing delicacy...I took some footage...hope you enjoy it!
See you in about a week.
I am preparing for a week long trip to the province of Guizhou which is directly south of Sichaun province and Chongqing. Bruce and I will take a 10 hour train ride and then another bus ride to experience the poorest province of China or one of the only places in China that has been unspoiled by skyscrapers and tourism. We don't have definite plans but we will visit some minority villages and nature preserves. I hope to have some amazing videos and pictures to share. For now, I wanted to post a video that I took last night. I teach a class at a Chongqing engineering company and my students were nice enough to invite me to play tennis at a beautiful facility overlooking the new Olympic Stadium. After they took me out for Hot Pot, which is a famous Chongqing delicacy...I took some footage...hope you enjoy it!
See you in about a week.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
The Rise of Sen-Sen
I always wondered what it would be like to be called Jean-Claude for the rest of my life. You see, Jean-Claude was a French name that I picked in 6th grade that followed me throughout high school, albeit for only 40 minutes a day in French class. I selected it because it sounded like Jon and because in 6th grade, I thought Jean-Claude Van Damme was pretty fucking cool...actually I still do. But what if the name remained a part of me outside French Class and friends, classmates, and family called me Jean-Claude day in and day out? Well, I'd probably go Van Damme on all of them. So that was the dilemma I faced when coming up with a Chinese name. I wanted something that sounded cool, was easy to say for an English speaker, and meant something that actually fit my personality. Unfortunately, I put the decision in the hands of my trustworthy workmates, the cute front desk staff of Aston English School, who themselves were given English names that have followed them for years. The result: Sen-Sen.
At first, the name pissed me off...I felt like it was a pet name. The girls eased my worries expressing in broken English that they first were just going to call me Jon-Jon. Bruce explained that Jon-Jon was the nickname of JFK's son who died in an airplane crash so they immediately wanted to change my name. The girls came up with Sen-Sen, a variation of Jon-Jon and an appropriation of the last syllable of my first name--the way Chinese people say it: Jona"sen." So ok, now I'm Sen-Sen, but aren't all Chinese names supposed to mean something? Nope, just Sen-Sen. Later, that night however, I got a spotty but suffiicient answer: Sensei is the Japanese word for teacher and the Chinese word "Sen"--in some ancient dialect--meant "Wake up" For those of you who know how much I sleep, Sen-Sen or "Wake Up Teacher, Jon", is an apt name.
I think in the coming days I will pick a legitimate Chinese name, something with a little more oomph than Sen-Sen. But the name is growing on me. Every morning I walk in and one of the girls perks up saying "Good Morning Sen-Sen!" with a cute smile. And really, I think they could call me whatever the fuck they want.
At first, the name pissed me off...I felt like it was a pet name. The girls eased my worries expressing in broken English that they first were just going to call me Jon-Jon. Bruce explained that Jon-Jon was the nickname of JFK's son who died in an airplane crash so they immediately wanted to change my name. The girls came up with Sen-Sen, a variation of Jon-Jon and an appropriation of the last syllable of my first name--the way Chinese people say it: Jona"sen." So ok, now I'm Sen-Sen, but aren't all Chinese names supposed to mean something? Nope, just Sen-Sen. Later, that night however, I got a spotty but suffiicient answer: Sensei is the Japanese word for teacher and the Chinese word "Sen"--in some ancient dialect--meant "Wake up" For those of you who know how much I sleep, Sen-Sen or "Wake Up Teacher, Jon", is an apt name.
I think in the coming days I will pick a legitimate Chinese name, something with a little more oomph than Sen-Sen. But the name is growing on me. Every morning I walk in and one of the girls perks up saying "Good Morning Sen-Sen!" with a cute smile. And really, I think they could call me whatever the fuck they want.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Chongqing, China - Spicy Weather, Spicy Food, Spicy Women
Ni hao!
Sorry for the posting delay. Chongqing is a mecca for cheap electronics, but unfortunately not for reliable internet. I think I've finally gotten the dsl set up in my lovely apartment, but accessing this blog was another story. Chinese government officials have set up what is affectionately known as "The Great Firewall," which censors thousands of websites that they find offensive or which could incite a revolution...be very careful when and where you are reading this...
Luckily, my awesome and incredibly interesting workmates--a 37 year old Irish expat with a 20 year old Chinese fiance in some other city and a recent UMichigan Alum who wants to write science fiction novels and who previously had ties to the Seventh Day Adventist Church--have showed me some ways to get around the firewall. Let's hope I get through this post without the gestapo busting down my door.
Both Matthew (Mr. Horny Irish Guy) and Bruce (Mr. Introspective Wolverine) have been in China far longer than I have so they are showing me the ropes. Bruce taught for Aston (my English school) for about 9 months or so, then traveled extensively around China for 4 months before returning to the States; subsequently, realizing how much he missed China, he moved back after 2 months in Los Angeles. Matthew has been here for 4 years, doesn't know a lick of Mandarin, but has done incredibly well working for Aston. He has some sort of crazy title, makes about double my salary, has a few apartments (and maybe a few girlfriends) around China, and expects to settle down in the next few years. He wants to import Diesel jeans (currently there are none) and retire early. Like most business people in China he sees a hole and tries to fill it...take that any way you like.
Bruce, Matthew, and not to mention all of the other people at Aston have gone out of their way to show me the beauty of Chongqing. There are a few Chinese teachers working for Aston--they actually help to translate during my classes--and some very cute receptionists. Their jobs are not only to look pretty and answer phone calls, but also to shuffle me around Chongqing on errands and daytrips so I don't get ripped off. While their English is spotty, they are very willing to learn and very willing to teach me some of the local phrases. "Da Wang" is one of the first I learned--it essentially means beautiful girls, but in Chongqing is a favorite pasttime akin to "people watching." There have been numerous nights where we've sat out in our central square and "Da Wanged." Apart from that, my Mandarin is very slowly improving. I'm taking Chinese lessons twice a week with one of the receptionists, but to say that Chinese is a difficult language is an understatement. Its fucking impossible to pronounce some of the phonetics here, plus they have a tone system and anyone who's ever heard me sing can imagine the problems I'm having.
Speaking of singing, I had my first KTV experience the other evening. KTV is basically a huge karaoke palace. Instead of like at 1800 Club in Evanston where you can make a fool of yourself in front of the entire bar, at KTV you can only embarrass yourself in front of your friends, or the people you just met 4 days before. You get a little booth, akin to a VIP room at a strip bar, with your very own tv, sound system, microphones, and computer to select the songs. There were a few English songs to sing along to and I really got my Chinese workmates into YMCA. I have some great videos that I'll share at a later point. And instead of ordering chicken strips or popcorn like at 1800 Club you order duck head and pig snouts. The duck head didn't really do it for me. The food here is cheap, spicy, and for the most part delicious. Unfortunately, I tried to be adventurous on the plane from Beijing to Chongqing and ate what I can only describe as mucous covered pork and spent the whole flight in the bathroom. I ran to the bathroom like 5 times and the only white guy on the plane got whiter and whiter each time. The people at work have introduced me to the traditional Sichuan cuisine, which includes something called Hotpot, family style dishes, and street vendor kebabs and noodles. I have to be honest that half the time I don't know what I'm eating, nor do I want to know what I'm eating. Part of the fun is diving in without even thinking. Would you want to know you're eating dog?
Well, I hope that gives you a little idea of what my first week in Chongqing has been like. Hopefully, my internet will continue working so I can continue blogging. I haven't even begun to talk about what it's like to teach, not to mention the crazy politics here.
Talk to you later, there's a knock at my door...
Sorry for the posting delay. Chongqing is a mecca for cheap electronics, but unfortunately not for reliable internet. I think I've finally gotten the dsl set up in my lovely apartment, but accessing this blog was another story. Chinese government officials have set up what is affectionately known as "The Great Firewall," which censors thousands of websites that they find offensive or which could incite a revolution...be very careful when and where you are reading this...
Luckily, my awesome and incredibly interesting workmates--a 37 year old Irish expat with a 20 year old Chinese fiance in some other city and a recent UMichigan Alum who wants to write science fiction novels and who previously had ties to the Seventh Day Adventist Church--have showed me some ways to get around the firewall. Let's hope I get through this post without the gestapo busting down my door.
Both Matthew (Mr. Horny Irish Guy) and Bruce (Mr. Introspective Wolverine) have been in China far longer than I have so they are showing me the ropes. Bruce taught for Aston (my English school) for about 9 months or so, then traveled extensively around China for 4 months before returning to the States; subsequently, realizing how much he missed China, he moved back after 2 months in Los Angeles. Matthew has been here for 4 years, doesn't know a lick of Mandarin, but has done incredibly well working for Aston. He has some sort of crazy title, makes about double my salary, has a few apartments (and maybe a few girlfriends) around China, and expects to settle down in the next few years. He wants to import Diesel jeans (currently there are none) and retire early. Like most business people in China he sees a hole and tries to fill it...take that any way you like.
Bruce, Matthew, and not to mention all of the other people at Aston have gone out of their way to show me the beauty of Chongqing. There are a few Chinese teachers working for Aston--they actually help to translate during my classes--and some very cute receptionists. Their jobs are not only to look pretty and answer phone calls, but also to shuffle me around Chongqing on errands and daytrips so I don't get ripped off. While their English is spotty, they are very willing to learn and very willing to teach me some of the local phrases. "Da Wang" is one of the first I learned--it essentially means beautiful girls, but in Chongqing is a favorite pasttime akin to "people watching." There have been numerous nights where we've sat out in our central square and "Da Wanged." Apart from that, my Mandarin is very slowly improving. I'm taking Chinese lessons twice a week with one of the receptionists, but to say that Chinese is a difficult language is an understatement. Its fucking impossible to pronounce some of the phonetics here, plus they have a tone system and anyone who's ever heard me sing can imagine the problems I'm having.
Speaking of singing, I had my first KTV experience the other evening. KTV is basically a huge karaoke palace. Instead of like at 1800 Club in Evanston where you can make a fool of yourself in front of the entire bar, at KTV you can only embarrass yourself in front of your friends, or the people you just met 4 days before. You get a little booth, akin to a VIP room at a strip bar, with your very own tv, sound system, microphones, and computer to select the songs. There were a few English songs to sing along to and I really got my Chinese workmates into YMCA. I have some great videos that I'll share at a later point. And instead of ordering chicken strips or popcorn like at 1800 Club you order duck head and pig snouts. The duck head didn't really do it for me. The food here is cheap, spicy, and for the most part delicious. Unfortunately, I tried to be adventurous on the plane from Beijing to Chongqing and ate what I can only describe as mucous covered pork and spent the whole flight in the bathroom. I ran to the bathroom like 5 times and the only white guy on the plane got whiter and whiter each time. The people at work have introduced me to the traditional Sichuan cuisine, which includes something called Hotpot, family style dishes, and street vendor kebabs and noodles. I have to be honest that half the time I don't know what I'm eating, nor do I want to know what I'm eating. Part of the fun is diving in without even thinking. Would you want to know you're eating dog?
Well, I hope that gives you a little idea of what my first week in Chongqing has been like. Hopefully, my internet will continue working so I can continue blogging. I haven't even begun to talk about what it's like to teach, not to mention the crazy politics here.
Talk to you later, there's a knock at my door...
Monday, April 2, 2007
Pre-Trip Jitters
On the eve of my year long (possible more?) trip to Chongqing, I'm trying to grasp all the emotions that are wrestling eachother somewhere inside of me. There's excitement, anxiety, some fear, and for some reason...horniness. I have absolutely no idea what to expect in China, but from what I've learned, it's best to have no expectations. On this blog, I hope to share the words, sights, and sounds of the people I meet, the places I visit, and the things I learn.
Oh, I just figured out the horniness...it's from the hours of Asian porn I've consumed over the years.
See you all in a few days...
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